Turn back now

Didn't you read the title? It said "Turn back now"

Are you really still reading? You're a brave soul 'cause I'm about to puke on my blog. And when I say 'puke', I mean I'm gonna tell you about all the stuff going on in my head. One, so I can get it out of my head, but also so you can get, yet another, glimpse of what it's like to be in my head. Mostly to get it out tho...

Ok, fine. You've been sufficiently warned. Reading beyond this point may be hazerdous to your mental health and I recommend you turn back now. I am not responsible for any damages that may occur from this point forward.

2 comments?!?! Really? I'm such an unpopular blogger that I only receive 2 comments if it's not linked up to a blog carnival. Thank you Ruth and Becca for being such loyal commenters. I love you too! (Yes, I do say love and not heart. No, I don't think it's over used, or lose any meaning when used casually)  So there. Now imagine me blowing raspberries at you.  (getting down from my soapbox now before I hurt myself.)

It's 10:30. I should be sleeping, but instead I'm blogging and eating chocolate cake. I just got home from spending time with friends. Ok, I actually had to make them brownies because one of them threatened to unfriend me on facebook if I didn't bring her brownies. Have I mentioned I'm unpopular? I can't afford to lose another friend. So I fired up the ol' oven and slaved away in the kitchen, ignoring the cries of my children and husband trying to make the perfect brownie so that I wouldn't be left friendless. I admit though, it was fun. The spending time with friends thing - that was fun. Not the baking part. Ok, ok... the baking part was fun too, but the spending time with friends thing was way funner. (yes, I know funner isn't a real word. But I like it and this is my blog). We laughed a lot and I'm just glad I didn't fart one time while I was there. I've been a bit gassy lately and have been known to clear out rooms from time to time. *I thought about not writing that last part, which I'm sure you would have been thankful for, but I did warn you to turn back. So if you had listened to me in the first place, then you wouldn't have gotten this far.

Speaking of disgusting... last night, I had just finished washing the dinner dishes and I didn't completely dry my hands when James had taken them to drag me outside. He asked me "Why are your hands wet?" To which I replied, "I just got done peeing on them." (I did warn you to turn back, OK?!) Not 30 seconds later, he shoved my hands against his butt and farted. I yanked my hands back and smacked him several times. He's laughing at my reaction and explaims "You just got done telling me that you pee'd on your hands and your calling me disgusting for farting on them!" Touche my dear.

I've been thinking about doing a giveway here. Did I tell you I won my first ever giveway? It was at Walgreens. I bought eyeshadow and they put my name into a drawing to win a whole bunch of Walgreens brand broducts. It was cool. Anyway, back to this giveaway idea... How 'bout if my lurkers come out of hiding? Do I even have lurkers? I don't know... let's find out. Ok, here's how this will work. I'm kinda sorta somewhat a little crafty. I know how to make camera strap slip covers for SLR camera's, I make little blankets, I know how to make hats, and am learning how to make headbands. I know it's not much of a repertoire, but sometimes I can make stuff that don't suck.

So, here's how this little giveaway game is gonna work. Anybody who comments on this post is entered to win. You can get a second entry if you follow me on twitter. You can get a third entry if your comment makes me giggle. If you can make me snort a beverage (most likely Diet Dr. Pepper) out of my nose, the prize is yours. I'm not easily impressed, so good luck with that last one! I'll draw a winner on Friday... if I remember. If not, you'll have to remind me. K?

My off switch is severely damaged

I haven't been able to turn the switch off in my brain today. You know, the switch that you flip that keeps you from saying what comes to mind. Like telling the babysitter's husband that everybody is just being nice to him by not telling him they are embarassed to be seen with him. But I'm nicer then they are and will tell him the truth. "Why yes, Larry. We are all embarassed to be seen in public with you!"

Or like when I called James the offspring of the master testosterone and that's why I'm poking him in the side with my kubaton. (Kubaton being a long medal rod hanging from my key chain. It's suppose to be a self defense weapon, but I threaten to use it as an anal probe)

You would think something this large and obtrusive hanging from my key chain would make it easy to keep track of my keys, but you would be wrong.

Or like when Twitter might very well fire me for tweeting all about my shopping trip at Wal-Mart. For those reading my tweets today, yes, I did finally find the honey. Who knew they would be next to the jelly in the bread aisle. Makes no sense to me at all! I'm quite surprised I didn't lose any followers. Then again, when I tweeted my last tweet from the grocery store, it was 8:30pm. Pacific time. I realized at the time I tweeted, most of my followers were in bed... because it was either 10:30 or 11:30 where you all are thanks to Daylight Savings Time.
Does anybody else hate daylight savings time? The time changes in spring requires more people to come in earlier to acommodate you east coast folk. Which means, there are less parking spaces up front for me! Yes, I realize I'm being a tad selfish. But I'm quite tired right now and probably should have ended this post a long time ago. On second thought, I never should have started. But now that I have, I'm kinda on a roll. And BlogHer requires me to write at least 2-3 posts a week and this should satisfy part of that quota. Right? RIGHT!?! Oh, who am I kidding. This barely passes as wrighting.

Ok, off to fix my off switch... Good night and God Bless. Cause God loves even those with broken off switches. Thank you Jesus!

Another random post

I had a blog post half written out and decided to nix it because it was depressing me. It started out with me telling you about my stellar mom day I had yesterday, but then got into Gary’s bad day at school. 4 paragraphs later, I erased it all and started this one. You can thank me in the comments!

Lessons learned:

Don’t keep your kids up too late; they’ll be cranky the next day.

Never underestimate your 4 year olds intelligence; they are smarter then they let on.

Don’t leave a 64oz slushy on the edge of a table when a 4 year old is playing with his trucks on the same table. There will be slushy all over the floor and it will not be an accident.
**If your house is mostly tile, invest in a good tile cleaning machine.
***Never forget to take pictures when a photo opportunity arises. You never know when you need good blackmail material.

Don’t try to discuss something you think is important with your husband when he’s trying to pour vaccinations down a cat’s nose. It is not a good time and he will ignore you.
*** Honey, now that you’re not drowning our cats, I really want to go to blogging boot camp in May. It’s only $99! Spots are filling up fast!!

Due to parking issues at work, they are now offering valet parking. For free. No tipping allowed. (It’s not just ‘not required’ – it’s not allowed) Plus, for those who utilize the valet parking for the month of March and April, they are giving out $5 café vouchers due to not being allowed to leave for lunch. This would be awesome, except I come in an hour before valet parking opens. Bummer Coming in an hour later just to utilize the free valet parking is not worth the hour later I have to work. They can keep their $5 café voucher.

3rd graders are irrational. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but don’t argue with them. Their arguments don’t make sense. You’d think I would have learned this by now, but no.
A good punishment for 3rd graders is to take them to bible study with you. Not to their bible study they attend while you’re at your bible study, but take them to your bible study and make them finish their homework. If they finish before bible study ends, they can take notes for you. The notes won’t make sense, but it gives them something to do.
*** It’s a good idea to review the 3rd graders homework to determine what supplies they will need to complete it while at bible study. That will nix all the excuses they have for not being able to complete their homework.

A good punishment for a 4 year old… _____Fill in the blank_____ . I haven’t figured that out yet.

When you need to buy pants for work, insist that your husband and 2 boys do not go with you. Offer to buy them ice cream. Across town. Far, far away from where you’ll be shopping. In addition, if you have a truck obsessed 4 year old – do not take him to Hobby Bench if you don’t plan on buying him something. The end result in either situation is never pretty.

Eating chocolate while angry might seem like a good idea when you’re in the moment, but your butt, thighs, and belly will not thank you later.

As James and I were doing out nightly clean up, it occured to me I had not taken a picture yet. I dropped the rag I was holding and grabbed my camera, snapped a few photo's of John who was more than willing to be photographed (as opposed to going to bed) and then continued the nightly clean up. There has not been a single day that's gone by that I haven't taken a picture!

The great key debacle

I woke up Sunday morning
I looked up on the wall
The beetles and the bed bugs
Were playing a game of ball.

Ok, so that song came to mind while I was trying to figure out a way to start this post and the first thought that came to mind was "I woke up Saturday morning." I remembered that song from girlscout summer camp and has nothing to do with the great key debacle.

If you've been following my tweets at all, you'll know that my husband lost his keys sometime between Friday evening and Saturday afternoon. If you have not been following my tweets and have no idea what I'm talking about, then let me give you the run down: My husband lost his keys sometime between Friday evening and Saturday afternoon. Now you're all caught up!

Since my dear sweet husband had a softball game to get to, there was no time for him to search for the keys; so he took my car to the game and left me and the boys behind. I tried to retrace his steps, figuring how where he was when the keys were last seen; in the garage. He and his friend Travis had dug out the air soft guns and had a shoot out. When that was finished, James had taken his keys from the work bench to unlock his truck so that Travis could get his sunglasses. The truck was locked back up and the keys... well... who knows where they went from there. I peered into the truck, but did not see anything. I searched the garage high and low, inside and out.

I moved the lawn mower, I checked in all the cabinets and drawers, I emptied the contents of the bag where the airsoft guns were kept, I even checked the bin where the dog food is kept. There were no keys to be found.

I moved to the front yard, thinking maybe the keys had fallen out of his pocket. The grass and rocks were carefully looked over, the cracks in the driveway and sidewalk were searched. I looked under rocks and bushes and still no keys.

I came inside and started searching in and around the usual spots where he leaves them. He has a blue basket where he empties the contents of his pockets into; all his loose change, lighters and, of course, his keys before he goes to bed at night. I emptied the basket and confiscated some quarters came up with nothing. I cleaned off the dresser, emptied drawers and moved the dresser away from the wall to see if they had fallen back behind it. The keys were not to be found.

I did, however, find some jewelry that I thought I had lost along with 2 chargers. 1 charger that goes to an old Blue Tooth I no longer have and another charger I still have no idea what it goes to. Hmmm, wait a sec... Just had an idea. Never mind. One mystery solved. It goes to my digital picture keychain. I really should update that thing with new pictures.

Ahem.

I also found a pencil sharpener, a few pens and pencils, some old car wash coins and a lighter.

I continued my search... under the bed.

I will spare you the horror of seeing what I found under the bed, but not from describing it. Your welcome. Besides the items we placed under there *cough*adult games and toys *cough* I found an empty bag of puff corn that I'm sure the dog dragged under their to enjoy at her leisure, one of John's old crocs, (the other shoe I had thrown out months ago thinking this one would never resurface) a coke can, an empty vial of albuteral and one of John's many missing socks. After cleaning the garbage out from under the bed, I continued my search. The end tables produced yet another lighter and another one of John's many missing socks. Woohoo! But still no keys.

I moved out of the bedroom and into the dining/kitchen/computer area. I glanced through the kitchen rather quickly because James rarely spends time in the kitchen and moved on to the computer area.

In case you were wondering, no, I did not clean my desk just so I could take a picture of it. Today just happened to be cleaning day. Ok, so I did move the diet dr. pepper can, my purse, and a can of air spray before taking the picture. I also put the scissors back in the holder and the pad of paper back on the hutch. Don't judge me!

I didn't find anything interesting, nor did I find the keys. I moved on to the living room. Remembering that James and Travis were playing Guitar Hero, I thought maybe the keys had fallen out while they were playing their video game.

I lifted the couch and found several tinker toys. I left them there. I removed the cushions and found another one of John's many missing socks, several hotwheels, more tinker toys and a foam dart. No keys. I looked under the love seat, inside the arm rest, dug under and behind the seats and still no keys. I glanced under the table and found my lens cap. I removed the cushion from the chair and found another hotwheel and a quarter. I was pretty stoked about the quarter and thought by the time I got done searching for these keys I will have found enough money in pennies, knickels, dimes and quarters to buy me a new lens for Nikki.

With no luck finding the keys in the living room, I moved into the boys bedroom. I searched under the bed, in the closet, opened all the drawers to their dresser and night stand, lifted the mattresses on their bed and looked on the windowsill. No friggin' keys.

I decided to take a break. I sat on the couch, contemplating areas I have not yet searched. I updated twitter and facebook pleading for idea's on where I should look for missing keys. I followed up on every.single.one. Or rather, to the best of my ability. My friend, Courtney, suggested I look in the freezer and eat a bowl of ice cream while I was in their. No keys were found in the freezer and much to my dismay, no ice cream either. Darn.

My sister, Rhiannon, suggested they could be on a black shelf. This is where she found her keys once and they were hard to see camalflouged with the shelf. I looked around, but I have no black shelves.

Lisa suggested they were in a pocket or hanging in the closet. I checked all the pockets of the jeans I had washed that day, all the jacket pockets from everybody who had worn one on Friday and Saturday, I shook all the clothes on both sides of the closet and heard not a jingle.

Terri suggested the couch cushions (all ready done), the garbage (not gonna happen), between the seats in the car (truck was locked, I couldn't look and James had the car), or in the bathroom. Awesome, a new idea. But they weren't there either.

Mona suggested the toy box. (I'd rather go through the garbage) The toy box gets cleaned out once a year and there's no way I'm going to torture myself more then that.

My BFF, Stephanie, wanted to know if I would let her know where I found them because she lost her keys about a month ago and wanted to know where she could look to find them. Thanks Steph, that was helpful.

My mom said to ask John. Yea right! Like that would get me anywhere.

But I was pretty desperate for idea's so I gave it a shot.

"John, where's daddy's keys?"

"Oh, I'll show you!" - Takes my hand and walks me into my bedroom and points to daddy's blue basket.

"No John, they aren't there. I all ready looked."

"Oh." - Walks over to the bed and looks all around the night stand and under the bed.

*sigh* I knew that was a bad idea.

My mom again suggested they would be in the last place I looked. Fan-freakin'-tastic, mom.

Then there was Becca. She said she had them and would only give them back if I traded them for my camera. My DSLR camera. I told her she could keep the keys. We'd buy a new truck! James was a little too excited over the prospect of a new truck when I told him about this conversation!

I decided to contact road side assistance so they could break into James' truck. 45 minutes later, I was searching the cushions, the dashboard and underneath the seats of his truck and still no friggin' keys. All that breaking in for nothing.

I called the pizza place where we had dinner and the bowling alley where we hung out on Friday night. Neither place had any keys turned in. I checked craigslist's 'lost and found' section to see if anybody had found them and didn't turn them in to the facility. No keys. At least, not James' keys.

James got home from his softball game, I had run out of places to look and was no longer finding interesting things. I decided to give up the search for the night, but found myself scanning for missed area's to search in every room I entered. I went to bed with visions of dust bunnies, hiding places and keys dancing in my head.

I woke early this morning, read a passage from my bible and prayed. Prayed for help in finding the keys. I made donuts for breakfast and thought up idea's for where the keys could be hiding. I ate the donuts I made and decided they really weren't that good. FYI, don't make donutes with cake mix. They're really gross. I searched for keys. I woke up James and searched for keys. I went to church, played with kids, came home and searched for keys. I called the pizza place and the bowling ally again and the both said there still were no keys turned in. I searched craigslist again and the keys that were on there were the same ones from yesterday. I finally decided the keys were a lost cause. James had given up hours before and was calling the Ford dealerships to see if any of them were open so they could make new keys. None of them were. Awesome. We were desperate. We had run out of idea's. We had searched every knook and cranny known to man. In my desperation, I had even searched the playroom. I turned up 2 more socks and something I won't even mention except to say I made James bring in a tissue so he could clean it up. Finally, James had called a locksmith. The guy said he would be here in 30-45 minutes. We waited. I played on facebook and twittered some more. The guy came. His name was Todd. He was my hero. I don't know why he was my hero. It's not like I was going to miss out on work tomorrow. It's not like I had lost my keys. I suppose it's because of all the time I had spent searching for the keys and knowing that my search was about to come to an end. Todd saved my sanity today. He made 2 keys. HA HA! 2 keys!! We would have a spare!

This is Todd. My hero for the day. He was very soft spoken and too honest for his own good. After discussing the James Gary name issue we have going on here (There are 3 James Gary's living under this roof) I said "Do you see what I have to live with?" He replied, "I'm not responsible for your choices." OUCH! Nobody had ever put it to me that way before. I have to say it stung just a little bit. But I quickly forgave him because he was the reason I no longer had to search for the keys. And he was very gracious about having his picture taken for this blog post.

Not only did he fix our key problem, but he also gave us idea's on how to unstick our screen door. The screen door has been giving us fits for weeks now and when Todd attempted to close the screen door and failed, he looked at the area it was sticking and told James how to fix it.

And now, I will rest easy knowing that James will be able to drive tomorrow and that all my dust bunnies have been cleaned out and I may very well have found all of John's missing socks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to count all the coins I found and see if it's enough to by that lens.

Random stuff written randomly in my randomecular sort of way

Warning: this blog post will probably not make any sense to anybody unless you've been reading for a while and even then probably not. I don't know. You be the judge.

I have a full blown sinus headache. I've been whining ALL day about my nose being stuffy and not being able to breath through my nose; and when I say whining, I mean "would you like some cheese with that? You sound like John when someone just told him he can't have a cookie." kind of whining. Throw in a good tantrum here and there and this sums up my day.

I sent the kids to bed early tonight because they were getting on my nerves. I did make them take a shower before hand though and after telling them not to get the bathroom rug wet when they got out of the shower, they followed that up by soaking the bathroom rug. Thanks guys. I made them clean up there mess, then they had to clean up their playroom. After inspecting the playroom, I then took all the clothes, toys, empty caprisun containsers, and their little straw wrappers that were shoved into corners and underneath furniture and placed them in the middle of the room and made them finish cleaning their room. During this little tyrade of mine Gary told me "You know mom, you can't buy my love." Um... ok. I'm pretty sure that's not what I was doing. But thank you Gary for letting me know that. The next time I see something I think you'll like and want to buy it for you because I love you I'll remember this conversation and put the item down. Mkay? Now finish cleaning your room kid. Then go to bed. I'm probably the meanest mom ever.

I got a haircut yesterday. I really like it. James and I had a blessed couple of hours without the boys and spent our time getting some errands done and getting our hair cut. The boys were at the AZ Science Center with some friends. They had a blast. Gary offered to take pictures while they were there, so I let him use my P&S camera. When I got the camera back I started noticing a trend. There were LOTS of pictures of him and his little friend Abby. Hmmmm....

Ok, so back to yesterday and my haircut. I decided I would take a picture of my haircut so you all could see. Since James and I had finished up our running around, he then took off for a couple hours leaving me home alone. No one there to take my picture for me, so I stood in the bathroom taking my own picture. Want to see it? Check out my new side bar picture.

There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't used my new camera. I am so in love with it! But I've found that editing pictures takes time and I can't possibly edit all the photo's I've been taking; so my SD card is starting to fill up. Maybe I should get on that instead of blogging. Nah...

All right - I've probably rambled on long enough. Here are some pictures for you instead.

From last weekend when we got to play in the snow.

I really liked the snow on the roofs of all the houses. This was a little cabin nestled behind the hotel we were staying at.

This is how happy I was to see snow for the second time in my entire life.

My very first snow angel.

We had a mini snow ball fight.

Our footprints in the snow. We had found an area that had not been occupied in quite a while. This was right in front of a small restaurant. The snow was almost up to the roof and it was so smooth. I almost felt bad for walking on it, but quickly got over it.

Before we had even left for the snow, I had made up my mind that I was going to put my bare feet in the snow and take a picture. That was probably the dumbest idea I've had in the longest time.

Yep, those are my bare feet sitting on top of the snow. James told me to really dig into the snow, so that's just what I did. At first it wasn't so bad. I had hiked up my pants before taking my shoes off. Got the scarf and strings from my jacket out of the way so they wouldn't be in the pictures, then proceeded to remove my shoes and socks. James was standing beside me and holding me up as I started to remove my foot ware. Standing in the snow wasn't so bad. Sure, it was a little chilly. I managed to snap 3 pictures of my feet before I decided it was getting to cold for my tootsies and it was just after I snapped the last photo that James bent down and grabbed my shoes and socks and took off running. I couldn't just stand there and let him take my shoes; I mean, I needed them. So I did what any rational person would do; I ran after him. Did you know that cold snow and bare feet is rather painful? Well it is. I can tell you that from experience now.

Oh, and in case you're wondering at all (which you're probably not because you've probably all ready closed this post because it's so long and boring, but just in case you're still here) that is a tattoo on my foot of the Jesus Fish and written inside the fish is the scripture verse 2 Cor: 5:7. Extra points if you look up the verse and come back here and tell me what it is. (Yes, of course I know what it is. I wouldn't have put it there if I didn't.) The location of the tattoo will make sense once you read the verse! And if you don't like tattoo's, that's ok. I didn't either for a long time but after much thought, prayer, and reading the bible, decided they weren't all bad. Except the pain. The pain is bad. Of getting the tattoo, that is. And putting bare feet in the snow. Ok, I'm rambling again. Back to more pictures. Or should I just end this post? Nah, more pictures.

This is our new kitty, Tonka, climbing my jeans as I attempted to take my picture yesterday. Yes, I require the assistance of my kids step stool in order to see in the mirrow. Yes, I am that short.

Last picture, I promise. I mean - for this blog post. Doesn't he look sad? He probably was since he was grounded all weekend long. We had 2 weeks of great reports from his teacher and then had 2 terrible days of not going class work or turning in homework. But, he did have a good attitude about it so we let him go to the Science Center with John.

Ok, Randomonium is over. Time to go to sleep. Or something.

Recipe for disaster - my insecurities are showing

Ok, so I actually wrote this post sometime last month, but I'm recycling - ok? Besides, it's pretty darn funny and true, so I'm linking it up with True Story Tuesday. Want more TST? Head on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's place.




Today, I’m hiding my awesomeness behind my insecurities. I have lots of insecurities, but I’m usually pretty good at hiding them by pretending I’m awesome. This is not the case today.

Yesterday afternoon, my boss calls us all together and says “lets have a Superbowl Potluck tomorrow.” Since I love food, particularly dessert, I readily agreed. Trying to decide what awesome dessert to make was the first problem to solve. There was a plethora of ideas. I could make those oh so delicious caramel brownies, or sugar cookies, or I could do something completely new and try Amanda’s petite four’s. But then I remembered this was a football potluck, not a Valentines one. Nix the petite four’s. I still hadn’t decided on what to do by the time I got home.

Fast forward to this morning; I got up at my usual time, did my usual thang, got John in the car and headed to the babysitters. That’s when I remembered about the potluck. Totally spaced it after I got home. I’m usually at work with about 2 minutes to spare, so being that I hadn’t adjusted my morning schedule to accommodate a Wal-Mart run, I decided the best thing to do was go into panic mode. I got John dropped off at the sitters and decided to risk being late for work. Running into Wal-Mart with just an inkling of an idea in mind, I grabbed a couple packages of cookies, a can of white spray frosting and some paper plates.

I make it to work 20 minutes late and throw everything into my drawer. The pot luck eating binge wouldn’t start for a couple more hours, so I still had time to decorate the cookies. While processing my reports, my mind is still on the cookies. Decorating is really not my forte and I prefer it if no one was watching. I racked my brain trying to think of a place I could go to decorate. Definitely not my desk, everybody would be able to see me. Not the break room, too many people coming in and out. Bathroom - no that’s just disgusting. I finally settled on the storage closet where we keep all our boxes. It has a small counter in the corner that I could use. Perfect! I finish my reports, grab my bag of goodies and the key and make my way to the closet. Popping the top off the spray can, I spray a little frosting on the Wal-Mart bag as a test spray and get to work. The spray frosting came with 4 tips, and each time I changed the tip I tested it on the bag. I stood back and admired my work when all was finished. I flipped the bag inside out so that the test spray’s were on the inside of the bag and stuffed the garbage inside. Grabbed my three plates of cookies and the bag of garbage and headed back to my desk. After depositing the cookies on the potluck table, I headed back to my cubicle. I sat down in my chair and noticed I had frosting all over my pants. Imagine for a second you’re one of my co-workers. I leave my desk with a bag and the key to the storage closet, I come back with white stuff jizzed all over my pants. This is so not good.

Fast forward a few more hours, I finish all my reports and I need to use the copy/fax/printer/scanner machine. The machine is in another area of the building, which means I have to leave my desk; with my jizz colored jeans. I grab my papers and use them as a shield to hide the frosting mess and thank God that it was only on the one side. I decide while I’m up I can continue to use the papers to go to the bathroom and grab a soda. As I’m scanning my second report, the machine decides to malfunction. It switches to printer mode, makes a bunch of noise, beeps a lot, and gives me an error message. I attempt to clear the error by pushing a bunch of buttons; this results in more beeping. I try to turn the power off; it only beeps more. I contemplate unplugging the damn machine, but look around and notice there are too many people around. I’m all ready standing over a malfunctioning machine with jizz on my pants. Awesome.

I give up on the machine, grab my papers, and still using them as a shield, head to the bathroom. This is the part where I tell you I’m left handed. I walk into a stall where the toilet paper dispenser is on the left side. Normally this is ideal, but I still had papers in my left hand. I’ll let you use your imagination for the rest of this part. It’s pretty gory.

Still not finished with my errands and still thankful that I have papers to hide my jeans, I head to the break room for my Diet Dr. Pepper. Remember when I told you I was left handed? That pretty much means everything is going to be done with my left hand, which includes stuffing cash in my pocket. That means I have to switch the papers to my right hand in order to retrieve the cash. Fan-freakin’-tastic. The break room is considerably small with vending machine’s lining one entire wall, microwaves on the other and tables in the middle; and it was crowded. I exposed the lunch crowd to my jizzed pants as I grab the $2 from my pocket, stuff the cash in the vending machine and make my selection. As soon as my soda was dispensed, I hauled butt out of there.

I managed to make it back to my desk after grabbing a plate of food, I still need to scan my reports, and I have not eaten one of my ‘jizzed cookies’.

Some days are like this…

Random Observations

Have you ever noticed something and instantly thought 'I need to remember that so I can blog about it later.' I know I'm not the only one, because I've read lines similar to this in other blogs before. They're usually in a Not Me Monday post though, so I think I'm breaking the rules. Or something.

Anyway - I've made some observations over the past couple of weeks and actually remembered to write them down. Since these observations by themselves were never anything huge to write about, I simply collected them and tucked them away until I had enough to write a whole blog post about. Since I didn't have anything better to write about today or have access to my pictures at the moment and I'm completely bored at work, you're blessed stuck with getting my list of random observations.

My daily check of the mail box usually goes in this order: Grab the mail from the box, sort the mail by the recipients name, check contents of mail that belong to me. A few weeks ago, I was going through my normal routine. As I picked up my pile of mail I noticed I had one of the cardboard flyer advertiser thingies. The advertiser? Hair for Men. No joke people. I live in a house full of testosterone, one of which could probably use this product, and they send the flyer to me. The only estrogen living in the house.

I'm starting to think living with all boys is detriment to a girls health. While I was perusing my Live Feedjit, I noticed what people were searching for when they found my blog. Apparently, you can find my blog in google if you search for 'Farting Boys'. Ok, I get that. Especially when I wrote a whole post about how disgusting boys are because they think farting is funny. Someone else came across my blog by searching boys pee . blogspot. Really? Ok, so I did write a few posts when John was potty training. But, that leaves me to wonder 'why are people searching for boys pee?' And, 'Is there really a blog titled boys pee?' Never mind, I probably don't want to know. The most baffling of them all though, it when someone found my blog by searching 'Garbage on Table'. Now, it's not like they found a blog post I had written using these search words. No, they found my blog! To my recollection, I have never written a post about garbage on a table, nor is my blog about garbage or tables. Let me reiterate, when you live in a house full of boys and you blog about them, people will find you by searching for garbage. That is proof that boys stink!

This afternoon as I was going through the list of blogs that I stalk, one blogger titled her post 'Let there be light' the next blogger titled her post 'I've gone dark'.

One last observation before I bore you all to death. Apparently, I suck rocks. This observation made right after my husband told me that I totally suck and completely rock in the same sentence. So, yeah, I suck rocks.

Have a happy Tuesday. (Not to be confused with 'Have a happy period'. Always lies)

              

Not Me! Monday - Somebody please, relieve the boredom and stop the madness

 
I was not so bored last night that in a desperate attempt to relieve the boredom I did not clean. I did not scrub the sink and countertops in my bathroom, nor did I get slightly annoyed while I was not feverishly trying to remove the pee stains from the toilet left by little boys who can’t remember to lift the seat when nature calls. My children have been properly potty trained and are never so lazy as to wait until the last second to pee that the half a second it takes to lift the seat would cause catastraphic damage to their little bladders.

I did not remove the plastic shower liner from their rings and throw the whole thing in the washer to clean the stuff that can only be described as ‘brown gunk’ from the bottom half of the liner. I then did not scrub the bathtub with Scrubbing Bubbles shower cleaner and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The magic eraser was not nearly black from filth after only scrubbing the bottom portion of the tub. Who lives like that? Certainly not me.

I did not continue the mad cleaning spree by using the now filthy magic eraser to clean the baseboards of the bathroom. It did not occur to me while not scrubbing the baseboards that I may be able to count the hairs left on my head at the end of any given day then the hairs that fall out, as evidenced by the hair found all over the bathroom floor.

The frenzy was not spurred on by the amount of hair on the bathroom floor, so I did not grab the vacuum cleaner to get it all cleaned up. I did not decide to vacuum the bedroom floor since the vacuum was not all ready out.

This would just be an insane thing to do at 8pm on a Sunday night while the kids were tucked in bed and the boys were watching football. I’m so glad it was not me. You could probably have found me at my computer - blogging.

If you'd like to read more Not Me! Monday's, head on over to MckMama's blog and read on. There are lots of women not doing anything embarassing.

Trees, boys, and random stuff

Check out my trees! In case you have no idea why I'm posting about my trees, you should start here. Then go here, here, and here.


I took this picture this morning with my actual camera (meaning, not my cell phone camera). No editing because I liked the way this one turned out.

I've been doing a little research on my camera to find out the best way to use my camera. Apparently, my camera has a built in 'stupid button'. I call it the stupid button because if you press this button, no matter what your doing on your camera this button will tell you what that setting is. Pretty cool, huh? I've also been reading the tips and tricks on the Kodak website.

Check out the picture I took tonight on my way home from the grocery store.

Ok, so I did a little bit of editing on this picture, but I love how the street lights are reflecting on the rain soaked road.

Side note: Grocery shopping + rain = total suckiness

James and I had a parent teacher conferenance with Gary's teacher today. The biggest issue Gary is having is organization and responsibility. I want to thank all of you who took the time to respond to my boy troubles. I truely appreciate everybody's advice and encouragement. James and I along with Gary's teacher have come up with a plan that will hopefully help Gary get back on task. We are going to continue with earning his priveleges everyday, but James has also come up with a great check list that Gary will be responsible for making sure his teacher checks and signs off on everyday. All in all though, she says he is a smart boy and one of the best kids she's had this year. On a positive note, she also said his vocabulary is awesome!

Ok, it's 10pm and James is going to kick me off of here pretty soon. Praying for more rain and no stupid AZ drivers who don't know how to drive when it rains. Did you know we actually have a stupid motorists law? True story. People will actually drive through flooded area's and get stuck. So the state of AZ will fine them with the stupid motorist law! Ha...

Good night, sleep tight. And remember, Jesus Loves You!

Thoughts that ran through my head *recently

*I say recently because I cannot tell you exactly when they ran through my head. I was planning on titling this post ‘thoughts that ran through my head this week’ but that may or may not have been entirely accurate.


“Has the world fallen off it’s axis? I do not remember last year’s tax season starting off this weird.”

"My trees are very nearly bare. I should post a picture on my blog for everybody to see.”

“Stephanie will soon regret sending me that text about texting her random things.”

“Ha, funny text to send to Stephanie tomorrow, “Miss, I think these are your

underwear” “

“Is it proper to use a quote inside a quote?” “This thought occurred to me just now.”

“Wonder what twitter would do if I posted that?”

“When will my blog start making enough money for me to be a stay at home mom?”

“Break my heart kid, I really don’t mind.” – this thought was right after putting John to bed angry; me angry, John crying. He said, “Mom, will you pet me?” I was shocked he even wanted anything to do with me.

“Where’s my camera? I have to record this baby! I’ve never seen anything so funny!” – video will come later. “Hey, a reason for them to come back.” –hint, hint.

“Twitter should change their question from ‘what are you doing right now?’ to ‘what are you thinking right now.’ Now that would be funny to read.”

“Comfort or ignore? What do you do when your 9 year old so stinkin’ sensitive and cries at everything!!”

“Report card time all ready? I know what it says without even seeing it. Most of the boxes will be filled with M (Meets expectation), some will be A (Approaching expectation), he’ll get a few E’s (Exceeds expectation) in PE and Music, and nothing above an A in the behavior section mostly because the teachers feel bad about giving F’s (Falling behind expectation) with a note from the teacher saying ‘Gary still struggles with having a positive attitude, and following directions.’” – By the way, I opened the report card and that’s exactly what it said.

“Stupid FAME system; what’s wrong with the tried and true A, B, C, D and F?”

“I feel sane today. This is weird.”


         

Cake pops and Baby envy

I'm pretty sure this is not what Bakerella had in mind when making cake pops. Or Amanda. Or MckMama. But they certainly were delicious!

Besides making and eating cake pops, I've also been satisfying my baby envy.

Seriously, who wouldn't have their baby envy satisfied with a baby this darn cute? This is Conner, my new friend, Mary's, 8 month old baby. He has an older sister and brother too, but those pictures will be for another post... you know, if I remember. I've run out of Adderall and I'm running on my own steam today! My poor husband.

I'm so glad it's a new year. Out with the old and in with the new. Not that I'm big on resolutions or anything, but I do believe it's time to start watching what I eat. Actually, I don't have a problem with watching what I eat. If I see it, I eat it. That's the problem. Maybe it's more like not watching what I eat. Ok, ok, fine... let's call it "making better food choices". I'll call it anything as long as I don't have to call it a diet, because if I call it a diet I'll do everything I can to sabatage it. So, here's to..... Not dieting, but doing everything that looks like dieting. or something

The last couple of day's I've sat down to write a blog post and have come up with nothing. I go through the day with a running commentary in my mind of all this awesome stuff to blog about, but when I actually sit down to write some of it, my mind goes blank. Does that ever happen to you? Yesterday for example, I was folding laundry and the thought occured to me that there is nothing better to do while folding laundry then to talk to myself. Hm, I wonder if I belong in a loony bin. Don't answer that.

Have you noticed my twitter updates? They used to be over on the right, but I recently moved them to the left. I've been trying to come up with a witty title for my tweets and I think I've come up with the perfect one... changes to come soon. Probably right after I publish this post. I'm thinking "Randomonium in 140"

Ok, time to get ready for company. We took down our Christmas tree this weekend and now there's a huge open space where a chair used to be. I'm thinking about rearranging instead of replacing the chair. What do you think? Change good? Change Bad? I'm so indecisive. Guess I should go get my meds!

Let the Randomonium Commence

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything random. That could be because the meds are working properly or that I was distracted by chickens and shiny objects. At least I'm not distracted by squirrels. That would be weird.

First things first, a tree update. If you're new to my blog and wonder why I'm posting regulary about trees - I have A.D.D. and that's what I do! To read the first post you can go here, and additional updates on the trees, you can go here and here.

This first picture I actually took on Dec 10.

















This next picture I took just this morning.



















By the looks of it you might actually think it's fall around here, but no. This is winter in the desert. I can't believe how much the colors have changed in just 5 days!

I have lots of baking to do. Cookies for a church function tonight, chookies for bible study tomorow night, brownies for a pot luck tomorrow afternoon, Gary's birthday cake for Thursday night, and Gary's birthday cupcakes for his party on Saturday. Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Oh, did I mention Gary's having a birthday this week? He's going to be 9 years old on Thursday!! I'm so not ready for another birthday. Thinking about him getting older makes me want to lock us all in a time capsule and never emerge. Last year, I told him he wasn't allowed to turn 8. He didn't believe me and consequently, he turned a year older. Ack! Do you think if he believed me this year then it wouldn't happen? I'm trying my best to reverse the effects of time, but so far nothing's worked.

*oh look, a hummingbird is in my tree!

What's up with the bumpy sidewalk outside the Wal-Mart and Target centers? I shop mostly at Wal-Mart, so this comment is directed more towards them. That small strip of sidewalk that you have to go over before entering the parking lot is really annoying. It shakes up my soda, knocks off everything I have underneath the cart and is generally a pain in the rear. I wasn't able to find any information about it on their website or on google.

I really need a blog makeover, but really don't want to pay anybody to do it for me. Backgrounds have been a mystery to me in trying to install them and really don't want that annoying name in the corner if I use someone elses template. I totally understand giving credit to the maker of the template, but I still don't want it there. Anybody know how to properly make and install a blogger template and be willing to share your knowledge? I would be forever grateful!

Oh, honey - I would like a new thumb drive for Christmas. My 8 gb is full with pictures from the past 4 years and lots and lots of scrapbooking stuff. Thank you!

Conversation with John:

John: "Mom, can I sleep with you ta-night?"

Me: "No"

John: Starts to cry and babble incoherently

Me: "I can't hear you."

John: Takes a deep breath and instantly turns off the waterworks. "Mom"

Me: "What John?"

John: "Can I sleep with you..... Please?"

Me: "No"

Fast forward to 2:30am

John: Crying to loud I thought he'd wake the neighborhood as he walks into our bedroom with Gary right behind him.

Gary: "Mom, John woke up crying and he won't stop."

John: "Can *sob* I *sob* sleep with *sob* you *sob*, Mom?" *sob*

Me: "Fine" Pulls up the covers so he can get in.

Gary: "Can I sleep with you too?"

Me: Grunts "Fine"

Boys: Crawl into bed

The next morning

Me: *thinking to myself - "what is that all over me?" Pulls back the sheets and reveals that John has peed in the bed. "Crap"

It's been like 6 months since this kid has been potty trained and wearing big boys underwear to bed and this is the first bed wetting accident he's had?!?!?!??? I ask you, why couldn't he have done that in his own bed?



       

An eye update and some completely random stuff

I had a follow up visit with my regular eye doctor today. I had to schedule the appointment ASAP because the pain was nearly gone yesterday, but a different kind of pain welcomed me this morning. So, in case you haven’t been following my facebook or twitter updates…


The dr. said my eye is swollen from all the watering my eye has done, thinking there was something in there. My natural defense system has made a bigger problem then the original one! The good news is, the abrasion has mostly healed and I only have to apply the antibiotic goop once a day.

One of my facebook friends commented that they wondered how an eye can swell without popping. Then I started thinking about just how swollen my eye could get before it popped; which got me thinking about glass eyes and whether I would get to choose the color of the pupil. I would choose green. Then I could have a video recorder implanted in my glass eye and record everything I see. Can you imagine how awesome blogging would be? I could have recorded last nights events when I was trying to take pictures of my freshly pedicured toes while sitting on the dining chair and the chair breaking and me falling to the ground. Then John’s very delayed reaction (Like 3 minutes after the chair broke, he started crying). Then you could all see how funny it was when John said, “Mommy, why did you break your chair?” Then I could have recorded and showed you all how James and Gary attempted to fix the chair. You know, if I was out in the garage watching them do that. But I wasn’t, because I was too busy trying to get a good picture of my freshly pedicured toes.

PS. Tylenol is my friend today.

Oh, and remember those trees I stare at all day?

Look at how they are changing! More yellow!!




               

What I learned this week

When my husband puts his mind to it, he can and will make the necessary changes to accomplish his goals.

John does NOT like hydrogen peroxide poured onto his open wound.

Even though he gave himself a rug burn doing it, it will NOT stop John from break dancing!

Pretending to fall out of a little tikes car and landing on my butt will result in a fit of laughter like you wouldn’t believe

It’s very difficult to teach an 8 year old how to play ‘Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater’ on the keyboard.

If I bring a snack with me to pick up Gary from school, he most likely won’t fake feeling ill. Also, 8 year olds can go from doing the chicken dance with a friend to being so ill he can’t do anything in 5 seconds; which is about the time it takes to get from the wall to the car. Oh, and said 8 year olds don’t like it when I say “Oh, that’s too bad” and don’t provide an explanation.

I want to live in Virginia in the fall.

There are too many theologians in the world. As much as I love the diversity of our world, when it comes to the bible I just want to know what the truth is. But ultimately, God knows what he’s doing and I’m going to leave it in his hands. Bible study is studying Roman’s and we were discussing the reason God hardened Pharaoh’s heart. One theology presented in class was that Pharaoh had hardened it first and wasn’t going to repent, so God used that to show his glory. After researching the internet, other theologians have different opinions that also make sense. After all that, I got a headache and decided to leave all that in heaven with God, and came back here to finish writing. Theology is not my thing.

When making Amanda’s icing: 1. double, triple, or more the recipe so I have enough icing. 2. when making the ‘fill’ icing, thin it out a lot. 3. I am not a clean baker. (Okay, I actually didn’t learn that this week because I’ve always been a messy baker. I just wanted to throw that in there.)

Too much stuff to do + too little time = stuff not getting done. It’s simple math ya’ll. Math doesn’t lie.

I love the smell of babies. I know I used to know this, but it’s been 3 years since I’ve had a baby and have forgotten what they smell like. This week, I got to hold 2 of them! They are scrumptious!

God loves me even when I’m unlovable.


      

Back to the 'normal' random musings...

You know, the one written by the overworked, underpayed, under appreciated (by the kids, never by the ogre husband), and stressed out mommy! The randomonium was all started by Mrs. Nurse Boy over at Poop on Jelly. So head on over to her blog too and check her out. She's awesome!

***First thing on my husbands honey-do list this weekend was 'Clean Bathroom'. Ask me if the bathroom got cleaned?
**Answer is: No, of course!
*I really think he waits a really long time until I get too disgusted with it and clean it myself.
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***Only in AZ -
**Is it still flip-flop weather in late October
**Can you watch the kids get off the school bus in all various forms of winter/summer dress. One kid was wearing shorts and short sleeves, one girl was wearing capri pants and short sleeves, some wearing pants and short sleeves, some wearing pants and jackets, and one was wearing shorts and a sweater... hmmm, go figure.
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Last week, when I was sick and off work - John and I played Guitar Hero. John was getting upset with me because I only let him think he was playing, but really his guitar wasn't even plugged in. So finally, I decided to let him actually play.

The next day I was home again, and apparently, I didn't get around to making lunch in a timely enough manner to suit John. So he took matters into his own hands.

Yep, he got the sandwich stuff out all by himself, then grabbed the peanut butter. Why 4 pieces of bread? Because I apparently wanted a PB&J sandwich as well. And yes, John got the one with the finger dents in it!

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I hate it when my kids get sick. I especially hate it when I was probably the cause of them being sick. So once again, I am home. Only this time with a sick Mustard. Asthma issues...

and a temperature...

John has gotten rather used to the breathing treatments, so last night after putting the mask on (he's very independant these days and wants to do everything himself, so he had to turn the machine on), I turned around and saw him playing with the steam that came out of his mask. Did you know that by holding your breath and then taking short breathes out you can make the steam do some pretty wild stuff? Of course, I had to make him stop because he had to get it down into his lungs. Poor baby...

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You're probably also wondering where I found his monster trucks this morning. I actually got up in the middle of writing this to go find them. Can you guess where they are this morning?

Yep, I actually found them in the toy box! *GASP* I know! Frightening, isn't it? My kids actually do put their stuff away. Shocked me too.

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In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6