Conversations with boys

Gary: My teacher let me borrow this book today.

Me: What is it?

Gary: It's the 100 most dangerous things on this planet.

Me: Oh yea? Where's your page?

Gary: If I were in this book, I'd be on the first page.

John: I'm thirsty. Can I have a water?

Mom: Yes, you can get a water from the fridge.

John: *runs to the fridge, grabs a water, runs back into the living room and trips on his way.

Dad: John, try this again. You know you need to walk in the house. Now go to the fridge and walk back.

John: *walks back to the fridge, opens the fridge door, puts water back. Grabs a different water, closes the fridge door. Then walks backwards to the living room.

Me: Honey, would you still love me if I were really really fat?

James: Yes

Me: Would you still love me if I were bald?

James: Yes

Me: Would you still love me if my skin turned green?

James: Yes

Me: Would you still love me if my vagina closed up?

James: Yes. Your mouth would still work, right?

Me: What if my vagina and my mouth closed up and I was forced to consume baby food through a straw for the rest of my life?

James: We'd have to discuss the whole mistress thing, but I would still love you.

Me: This is going on the blog.

James: If you can remember it.

Bowl in the sink

Due to some babysitter issues yesterday a backup babysitter was called in but didn’t start until 6am. This meant I got to spend the morning with my boys. The mornings I get to spend with my boys have got to be some of my favorites. I think because they are so few and far between. The weekend mornings don’t count for some reason, though I don’t know why. It’s just different when it’s during the week I guess.

This is a conversation I had with John as we were finishing up with breakfast:

John: “I’m done with my cereal.”

Me: “Ok, put your bowl in the sink.”

John: “Why?”

Me: “Because I said so.”

John: “Oh. But my stomach hurts.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t put your bowl in the sink.”

John: “I need you to do it.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so. Please put the bowl in the sink.”

John: “But mom, my stomach hurts. It’s gonna rip and rip my shirt.”

Me: “Oh no. I’m so sorry to hear that. I need you to put the bowl in the sink before that happens though, ok?”

John: “Ok” {grabs the bowl and heads towards the sink} “Mom, my feet hurt.”

Me: “Well, they’re not going to fall off before you get to the sink.”

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Last night I was left alone with the boys, and if you remember what happened last time when mom is left in charge of dinner, you can imagine what I did this time.

Actually, it wasn’t that bad. I made grilled cheese sandwiches. Gary and John each had a sandwich with American cheese, I made mine with Baby Swiss. Yum! But I digress. Gary must have been super hungry because he had scarffed his sandwich down in record time. Once finished, he asked if he could have a snack. I told him yes and he headed straight for the homemade chocolates sitting on the counter. He grabbed 2 pieces of fudge, but before he could get too far I told him he could only have 1. He placed the second piece on the table in front of John intending for John to have it when he finished with his dinner. At this point into dinner, John hadn’t eaten even half of his sandwich. He reached for the piece of chocolate in front of him, but wasn’t fast enough. I grabbed it with lightening speed and told him he had to finish his dinner before he could have it.

He stuffed what was left of the first half of the sandwich into his mouth and washed it down with his Capri-Sun and tried to convince me he was finished. I told him he had to finish the other half before he could have the fudge. He proceeded to slowly eat the other half, in between playing silly games with me and laughing hysterically. The chocolate remained in front of me as we ate and played. John got down to the corner of the crust and decided it was time to use the bathroom. While he was gone, I decided he had eaten enough and picked up the sandwich and placed the fudge on his plate, throwing the last bit of dinner in the garbage. When he came back to the table and noticed his sandwich was missing, he threw a huge fit! The tears were pouring, the snot was flowing, he threw himself on the fireplace and had himself a tantrum! He cried at me saying he was going to finish his sandwich. So like any good mom would do, I fished the sandwich out of the garbage and placed it back on his plate. I moved the fudge to the counter and watched as he stuffed the remains of the sandwich in his mouth. (For those who are completely grossed out, the garbage had just been emptied and the only thing in the trash can was the plastic liner and my paper plate.) After he had finished the sandwich he looked up at me and said, “I’m done with my sandwich, can I have the fudge now?”

I’ve got to wonder – Did he really want the last bit of sandwich or did he just think he needed to finish it to get the fudge? The world may never know…

100th post woes

I had this great idea for a 100th post celebration. I even got it started. It involved lots of pictures and some history. Instead, you're stuck with this. I'm sorry.

Why this instead of my grand idea, you ask? Because this morning, I scratched my eye. I have no idea who I managed to do that, but manage I did. And when I say I scratched my eye, I don't mean the eye lid, the corner, underneath it. No, I scratched my cornea and it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. It actually brought me to my knees in both pain and prayer. The E.R. doc diagnosed me with a "cornea abrasion" which I think is the technical term for OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW x 1000. And if it weren't for Mr. Black's 7th grade computer lab that taught me how to type without looking at the keyboard, you probably wouldn't be getting this post at all! You're welcome.

So, in celebration of my 100th post and in light of my injury today... A conversation that really happened.

John: Mommy, are you blind?

Me: No

John: Why not?

Me: Do you want me to be blind?

John: Yes

A few seconds later, I cracked my good eye open just long enough to catch him stealing my glasses.

I hope the rest of my 7's of readers - *Ha James* have a blessed week.

Because my husband said it's no longer Monday - Conversations at the dinner table and proof that my husband can almost be domesticated... almost

Last night, nobody wanted to cook. *FIL wasn't home yet, it was 5:30 and we were all starving. I made a run to McDonald's for our dinner.

*FIL = Father in Law

After most of the food had been consumed, James got up and started clearing away the garbage. John, however, has become a bit of a slow eater. Even after trading 2 of his 4 chicken mcnuggets for more french fries, he still had 1 3/4 of his chicken mcnuggets left and a handful of french fries.
James cleared away John's ketchup. John looked at him from the corner of his eye.
James cleared away his empty chocolate milk jug. John gave him a dirty look, but after realizing the jug was empty, didn't say anything about it.
James cleared away his empty french fry wrapper (this was after all the french fries were dumped into the chicken nugget box). John looked at me with concern.
James came over and started reaching for John's box of chicken nuggets and french fries. Just as James started picking up the box, John let it be known that he.was.not.finished! A rather loud protest of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'M NOT DONE YET" was probably heard 3 streets down.
James picked up his hands in defeat and backed away slowly. After James' back was turn, I looked at John. His back hunched over and his hands protectively covering his box of half eaten french fries, John glared at James and whispered just loud enough for me to hear:

"Baaaaaaaad Daddy"

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Now, for proof that my husband can almost be domesticated:

Yep, that's James with my sewing maching and his trusty can of Dt. Mt. Dew. He was sewing together a holster strap for his truck. And when I say he is almost domesticated, I mean the finished product was nailed together. *sigh*

I can see it now...

A few years ago, our family made the commitment to pray before a meal. Soon after this commitment was made, the tradition started. It was the tradition of 'whoever eats first before the prayer has to pray'.

A few years later, we moved into a small house with my father in law. He was very much aware of the first to eat rule and made the mistake of putting that first bite into his mouth. Now, my FIL is not a praying sort of man. To be honest, I'm not sure what his beliefs are about Christianity and religion. But, he was a good sport about this rule and complied. I don't remember the prayer itself, but it was what he did afterwards that has made it's way into our daily prayers. Instead of Amen, he said Buh-bye. John decided this was so much fun that he now says buh-bye after every meal prayer.

Since then, this tradition has grown into a life of it's own. It doesn't matter who is praying, but as soon as Amen is muttered, there is a loud round of BUH-BYE and fists in the air!

I can see it now...

It's Thanksgiving dinner, the boys are grown, married, and children of their own. The whole family is over for the Thanksgiving feast. James, the head of the household, blesses the meal, everyone says Amen and then...

BUH-BYE!!!

Is this mean?

James was planning to take the evening to go to the shooting range with his dad while I was at bible study with the kids. Well, as luck would have it, Gary decided not to feel well and with the swine flu pandemic and 15 kids out of school with the swine flu, I decided it would be best just to stay home from church tonight.

Well, John being in his new 'I wanna go' phase, did not make an exception for this evening. After realizing daddy was leaving, he runs into his bedroom and puts his pants on. This only made worse by daddy who knows what he's up to and gives in to buttoning his pants for him. Now John really thinks he's going, and runs back to his room and put on his shoes.

Please excuse the blurriness of the photo's, when you only have a second to get the shot, there's no time to re adjust the settings on the camera.

Picture 1 is John telling daddy to wait. Picture 2 is John's reaction to daddy leaving without him. Picture 3 is John watching them leave on top of the night stand in their bedroom. It's just so stinkin' sad. It almost makes you want to take him, doesn't it?

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Yesterday, John comes up to me and asks if he can have a cookie.

Me: No

John: Please, can I have a cookie?

Me: No, you may not have a cookie

John: Can I say please?

Me: Yes, you can say please. But it won't get you a cookie.

John: Gives me a weird look and rolls his eyes. Mommy, please say yes.

Me: No

John: Say yes

Me: Is now laughing hysterically, through the tears of laughter says - No.

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Conversation with Ms. Glen at the afterschool care program today.

MG: Is this Mrs. Hart

Me: Yes

MG: This is Ms. Glen from LM. Gary came in after school complaining of a sore throat and an upset stomach. I just wanted to let you know so you can get here as soon as possible.

Me: He's probably faking it

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On my husbands birthday:

Me: Honey, you are now officially in your late 20's

James: Shut up

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I'm sure there were many other mean things I did or said, but they're not coming to mind right now.

On a positive note - my dad's kind of awesome. He read my random post and came up with 5 more suffixes for random.

Randomecular: The smallest degree of random

Randomonium:  Chaotic randomness

Randomicity: Fluid randomness

Ranomocrity: Mediocre randomness

Randomilliance: Brilliantly random

Out of these, my favorites are Randomonium and Randomilliance! Thanks dad! :)

Random Musings - I know it's Tuesday but Monday was a holiday!

This is my weekly random musings. This was thought up my Mrs. Nurse Boy at Poop on Jelly. I just love the name of that blog!


Try not to get behind on your blogging. All the crap will get stuck in your head and you’ll forget what to blog about.

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When dealing with a certain 8 year old, give very specific directions on what you want done. Because he will not ask questions and will make assumptions.

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This will lead to additional frustrations if you don’t.

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Don’t allow your hubby to get bored over a 3 day weekend. Especially when he has truck buying on his mind.

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If you do let him get bored, do not, I repeat, DO NOT give in to the truck idea. This is very bad.

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Since you did not give him an inch on the truck idea, his boredom will take route in another direction. Such as, finding a babysitter for the little urchlings darlings then spend the rest of the time planning a ‘staycation’ at the The Point Hilton Resort.

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This is very good!

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On second thought, allow your husband to get bored. It could be very lucrative for you!

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Allow your 3 year old nephew, who is also potty training, to play with his private parts when sitting on the toilet.

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If you don’t, it will result in lots of crying, a huge fit, feeling like the worst aunt ever, and the use of the very last pull-up in the entire house.

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This is not good when you have 2 potty training 3 year olds in the house getting ready for bed.

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Since the nephew is not your kid, don’t feel the need to ‘teach’ the child. That’s his mother’s job. So allowing him to play with his private parts will bring peace to you and your household.

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Watch what you say at the dinner table. Remember this, this, and this? It might come back to bite you in the butt.

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Strive to learn something new everyday, whether it’s a new hobby, a new bit of information, or something about your spouse or children.

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This will make life slightly more interesting then it was the day before

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Don’t tell certain people about your blog. They’ll tell you to ‘blog about it’ with every conversation you have!

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Write something controversial – it’s fun and will get people talking. For example, I posted on my facebook yesterday “I’m too lazy to be a stripper” It was fun!

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Lastly – Love Jesus because He loved you first, He’ll love you last, and He’ll love you forever!

God Bless and have a great day!

When will I ever learn?

The best conversations happen at the dinner table.

Last night, I prepared a lovely meal of leftover tuna noodle casserole with peas and a side salad. *Side note, because that's how my brain works, all the salad dressing was expired but we ate it anyway. Ewww, who does that?*

We always pray before we eat the dinner meal, and our one rule is that if someone eats before the food is blessed, then that person has to pray. Last night, dad placed a big 'ol forkful of casserole his mouth and we all said "oooooohhhh, daddy has to pray!" His excuse was that since this is leftovers, the food had all ready been blessed. So, of course, like I usually do - I badgered him until he put his fork down and prayed. His prayer, while very appropriate in wording, had a bit of a tone to it. When he finished, I told him - "dear, I don't think Jesus likes your tone."

Gary replied - "Mom, their's no wrong way to pray. Jesus hears them all."

How. Does. He. DO. THAT?!

At least I know he's paying attention in church!

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In other news - we're looking forward to a fun 3 day weekend. Mine started at 12:30 this afternoon since my department rocks! They let us all leave 2 hours early.

The kids are going to spend the night at my mom's house tonight, so if you could say a prayer for her, she'll be needing it! Not only will she have my 2 boys, but my sister, her boyfriend and their 3 kids, ages 7, 5, and 3 live with her for the time being. I was also just informed that there will be 3 other kids hanging out until their dad picks them up. No, my mom does not run a daycare center, but I'm pretty sure she'd be a millionaire by now if she did. In exchange for a peaceful night without boys, I'll be forced blessed to keep my sisters 2 boys on Saturday night.

Tonight, James and I will be spending time with some new friends of ours. Then tomorrow James and his dad will be spending the ENTIRE day taking their CCW class. (that's the concealed carry weapon for those that don't know) I'll get the morning to myself until I pick up the little urchlings darlings. Maybe I'll get some sewing in or some housecleaning. Scratch the housecleaning. I'll stick to sewing!

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I believe this is the first time I've ever heard my kid say this. (This just happened by the way). John started crying and and came over to me. From the living room, Gary told me, "Whatever he says, he's LYING". At least he makes it easy for me to know who to punish!

What are you up to this weekend?

Short post because I'm tired, cranky, and annoyed.

I had a bad day at work. I attempted to write it all down for a post, but when I went back to re-read what I wrote, a lot of it didn't make sense, thinking from an outsider who doesn't work where I work. Wasn't that considerate of me to think of you? Your welcome. So I scrapped the whole damn thing and decided to write this instead, because my kids are funnier than I am.

The other night, we were sitting at the dinner table. FIL *Father in Law* had made tuna noodle casserole for dinner. The conversation that followed went something like this:

Me: John, do you like it?

John: Yes

Me: Tell Papa thank you

John: Thank you Papa

Me: Tell Papa 'You da' man'

John: Papa, are you man?

Papa: Last time I checked

Me: No, John. Tell Papa - "You"

John: You

Me: "Da'"

John: Duh

Me: "Man"

John: Man

Me: Good Job. Now tell Papa, 'You da' bomb'

John: Papa, you a bum




Here's a picture to distract you from the fact that I had a bad day...


Gary decided to take the sprinkler off the hose while playing outside today. Then I told him he had to put the sprinkler back on, so he tried without turning the hose off first!

Conversations that really happened

Matthew 19:14 ...for the kindom of Heaven belongs to such as these.




Have I mentioned recently




How much




I love this boy!

Tonight at the dinner table, John grabs a packet of sweet & sour sauce and 'breaks' it. S&S is all over his hands and he's crying for a napkin. He gets himself all cleaned up - here's the conversation:

John: Dad, did you break it?

Dad: No, John. You broke it.

John: I break it?

Mom: John, are you defective?

John: Huh?

Mom: Do we need to take you to the little boy store and exchange you?

John: No

Mom: Can I return you to the little boy store and buy a girl?

Gary: Mom, you can't return a gift from God.